1. When you look at me, or my picture there on the right side, did it ever cross your mind that someone who looks like that can have these kinds of thoughts in her head?
2. Did you assume that I am such a fickle minded person that I probably don’t have anything intelligent to write… and I am so self-centred too, that issues of the world is of little interest to me? I mean, my picture probably looks dumb to you, that you know, my writing is probably dumb too.
3.Does my writing really says that I am so unhappy? I’m bitter… I’m unfulfilled? I mean, look at my picture there… don’t I look happy? I don’t think I actually have a sad photo of myself.. go through it yourself. I guess, what I can’t express in words – happiness – i do in pictures. What I can’t reflect in pictures – I write.
4.People read my blog? Why bother? Why do I even bother to write so publicly too? I mean, if I write something… deep down, I wish it would have effects on some one, if not more. And positively too, not otherwise.
5.What do I really want at the end of this life.. Don’t judge me, but… I’m really not sure where I want to get in my life. Except for material stuffs, I don’t know what I want. But even that, I don’t know how I want to get there. I feel like a lost soul, somehow. I admit, I envy those who can visualize their future. Mmg, aku mmg jaki dgn kau.
6.Do I look like someone who’s involved in an affair? Anyone can, really. Why do people have affairs? Honestly, I think people never really plan to have affairs… Sometimes maybe, they are not even aware they are in one, until it’s too late. [When I say affair here, it does not necessarily involve sexual activity.. you know, being in another relationship other than the one you’re officially or sort of officially in (engaged, dating, whatever)]. Interestingly, according to lots of articles I read, most affairs start at the workplace. Hmmm.. sad, but true. Are you in one? Maybe we all need to take a reality check… But me, affairs could just be too stressfull.. i’m such a chatterbox… I’d probably want to tell the whole world, and affairs are always a like a secret society, where the first rule is you do not talk about it… only that this society only has 2 people. Why would I want to have an affair? Do I look like someone who’s having an affair?
7.See… I’m so not focused. My thoughts are everywhere!!! Does all these questions in my head mean that I’d probably never achieve anything in life? That I have low self-esteem? Do I? Do I? Do I?
8.What does my dad think of me… that I am more comfortable expressing my feelings and thoughts in English? Does it mean, I have no respect for my origins? I can’t help it, but I admit… If I have to address an audience, or strangers, English always give me more confidence… though it’s probably way more berterabur than if I were to use Bahasa Ibunda.
9.Can you argue unemotionally? Is it possible? I mean, do you have to be unemotional to maintain rational? Will I lose credibility if I were emotional about something so rational? You don’t get me, do you?
10.Have I spilled too much info about myself and my sick, crazy, jumbled up thoughts… I don’t believe that I don’t really care what people think of me. I don’t think I’ll ever get there.. being so careless about other people’s opinion about me.
Oh good night people. This is just way passed my bed time.